Tired of longing and loneliness

 

Ever since childhood, I dreamed of a big family, so that, besides my mother, I had a brother or sister. Dad died early when I was 6 years old. I don't remember him at all. Mom got married four years later. How I wanted my mother to have a child. But my dream did not come true, and this marriage was short-lived. My stepfather was ill and died of a heart attack. We were again left alone with my mother. I was already in my second year of college and started dating a guy four years older than me. After graduating from college, we got married, a year later, a son was born, and two years later we divorced. Somehow it didn't work out. I never got married, especially my mother. We were engaged in raising a child. Now, when my son is already an adult (22 years old), I became especially lonely. We live together, my mother lives alone. Our whole family is three people. No relatives, no cousins, no aunts, no uncles, no one. The son does not meet with anyone and does not want, he hates children. And I would have been happy to babysit my grandchildren. And with this attitude, I doubt at all that they will ever be. I myself cannot meet with a man and start a family because of a previous illness. I am not allowed to have sex (it even happens). I tried to get to know each other on the site, immediately wrote that it was only friendship, without intimate relationships. But who needs it? So life goes on, and dreams remain dreams. Probably, the Lord wants us not to continue, otherwise how to explain this vicious circle of loneliness in our family? And why should I live at all? I see no point without a future.

I want to divorce my husband because of his daughter from my first marriage

 

My husband and I are on the verge of divorce. And all because of his daughter from his first marriage. He divorced more than 5 years ago. The girl is already 11 years old, she shows character, and then, I think, it will be even worse. Her mother communicates with her husband only at the expense of money and daughter. I am ignored, even when I try to ask or say something - zero attention. Doesn't even look in my direction, very arrogant and mannered. The daughter adopts her behavior and literally wipes her feet on me. He also defiantly ignores, pretends that I am not. The husband sees her almost every day. He meets from school, studies, is always in touch, often talks on the phone for a long time. She visits our house three times a week. She teaches lessons, eats, we have a lot of her toys and clothes. The whole room is allocated. It is because of her that we took three rubles in the mortgage. And of course, she often sleeps with us. I clearly outlined my position at the beginning of the relationship. I do not interfere with parenting, I do not try to become a second mother or be friends. This is not my child and I do not want to closely communicate with him. I help, cook, talk politely, but don't interfere. It suited my husband, he did not expect warmth and love from me, he understood that it was not easy for me. His ex-wife has long established her personal life. Her husband has money, like she. They both drive expensive cars, she wears furs. However, she always does not have enough money for a child. She shakes her husband constantly, despite the alimony. Either you need to go to the sea for rest, or repairs in the room, or the child wants expensive classes. And the fact that she also has to somehow invest, does not consider, saying that the girl already lives with her. She is very attached to her mother, just a copy of her, always protects her and confirms any words before her father. I am a very calm person by nature. It's hard to piss me off. However, this child tests my patience all the time. From the very beginning, we had a neutral relationship. My husband and I met, got married, didn't even invite her to a wedding, together with my ex (I didn't want to go without my mother, my husband was very upset). Everything went relatively well. But then, as soon as she began to come to visit on a regular basis, when her own room had already appeared in the apartment, she began to show herself. Either I cook is not tasty, then I tell her nasty things (which never happened), then I set up against my mother, provoke quarrels. As if I have nothing to do. If you don't like cooking, I suggest that my husband cook for her what she wants. The husband, by the way, does not know how to cook at all, so we have disagreements. Now the girl also began to be jealous of me for him. I always meet my husband from work, because I come earlier, hug him, set the table. But if he comes with her, she literally won't let me go, hanging on her father. We've almost stopped spending time together. Work, home, child, if we walk, then we also take it with us. She will be offended, you can't leave her at least once. I once asked why she and her mother does not spend so much time, does not walk with her and her stepfather, to which my husband replied that they already have a joint baby (3 years old) and they are not up to her. Allegedly, the girl cannot find a common language with her stepfather and is annoyed by her little brother. After living in this situation for three years, I am terribly tired. There is always not enough money, we only went on vacation once a honeymoon, unlike his daughter, whom we constantly sponsor. We pull a mortgage, alimony and her wishes. Cooking, washing, cleaning for three. The husband sometimes helps, but very rarely, because he does not have time. The whole house is on me. You have to save a lot on yourself in order to buy something large, an oven or a table for the kitchen, the same sofa. We live not so long ago, from furniture only what relatives gave away. My parents gave the mortgage, because my husband could not save anything while he lived alone. I didn't think it would be so hard. So much spending. I am 28 years old and I want my children, but this is very unlikely. My husband would also like to, but he is afraid that this will drag us into a financial hole. I love him very much, he is a good father, a good, understanding husband, although he can be quick-tempered. But I can't stand such a life anymore. He promises everything that everything will change further. That you need to endure a little, wait. The main thing is not money, but a loving family.

I am terribly jealous of a friend whose husband is limited to alimony and meetings with his son on weekends, without dragging him home. Yes, I agreed to it myself, but at the very beginning it was not at all like that. There were no debts due to the loss of a job (the husband found another, but not immediately). There were no frills for the girl, there were no health problems. My teeth hurt terribly, I need to be treated, but the cost is simply cosmic. My parents constantly help with money, throw it up periodically and often lament about our life, feel sorry for me. His relatives only occasionally give gifts for the holidays and say that everything is as it should be, the child should have a father. Which also should and should. I'm tired. Now I still regret the joint mortgage; it would be better if I bought myself a small apartment and registered it only for myself. Now, even nowhere to move out. My parents are in another city, but I have no money at all. You can sell it, but then you have to split the money with my husband in half, pay off the mortgage and I won't have enough for housing. And living in constant stress is also a bad option. I want to escape from it all, I feel cornered. I tried to talk to my husband, but he cannot do otherwise, my daughter loves very much and does not want to choose between us. For him to reduce communication with her a little, this is already a betrayal. Some kind of nightmare.

I want to befriend my husband's ex-wife, but she ignores me

 

My husband already had one marriage before me. They have lived together for many years. Because of what they got divorced, I don't know. The husband evasively replies that he no longer remembers. It so happened that I work in the same place where she once worked. Also in the same position. She was an activist, she always came up with something, was cheerful, active, organized holidays and so on. In general, it forever entered the history of the company. I often come across documents in which she appears, photos, articles. Although almost 10 years have passed. At first I was just curious. We are somewhat similar to her, both in appearance and in character. This is what my colleagues say. Maybe I could even make friends with her. Then, I became even more interested. It was strange to me that none of his relatives had photos of her. Not from family holidays, not from a wedding. Only later did I find out that she walked around everyone and took all the photos where she was. I started rummaging through the archives, his parents' computer, looking for hidden files. Of course, with their permission. And I found it. I found correspondence, photos from the wedding, photos before her. I kept everything to myself. I do not know why. And she couldn't stop even further. I found old postcards with confessions, newspaper articles, letters from his parents. I am very interested in what she was. What they talked about, how they lived. I can not stop. I dug everything out on the Internet from open data, found services that download photos even from closed social media. networks. They monitor the groups to which she is subscribed, show that she liked. Judging by these posts, she is unhappy and lonely. Although there is a large family and their own children. I want to write to her, talk to her. I tried, added, but immediately without explanation was blacklisted. I don’t understand why I’m so mad. You can't get a word out of your husband. He says that he doesn't remember anything and that's it. And now I can say that I know so much about this woman that he will be shocked. We often walk where she lives. And sometimes I see her. She and my husband do not notice each other, but I look, trying to consider all the changes. New clothes, hair color, and so on. Now we want to buy an apartment in that area. The area is nice and not expensive. But I am afraid that we will collide more often. I don't know where this will lead. I'm not crazy and I won't stalk her, I'm just interested in her life. I don't even like her, I just can't stop. And if I could, I would put a bug in her apartment in order to at least feel connected to her life. I don’t know how to stop thinking about it and get hung up like that.

How to explain to children that their father does not need them

 

After twelve years of marriage, my husband left for another, leaving me and three children. A year has passed. And I still can’t come to terms and reorganize to a new way of life. Only children keep it. Do not let you do something stupid. Waking up every morning, at first I lie with my eyes closed and dream that he is sleeping next to him. And so from these thoughts it becomes warm and easy on the soul. But not for long. One has only to open his eyes and everything is remembered. Once again I have to accept his absence in my life and in the lives of our children. As it turned out, this is a very heavy burden. Especially when you love. Even after what he did. It all happened almost suddenly. A month before leaving, my husband changed dramatically in his behavior towards me and the children. Coldness and alienation began to be felt. I tried not to burden him at this moment. I thought I was in trouble at work. It turned out he had another woman. He left without a scandal. Sharp and fast. All communication stopped immediately. Well, even if I'm not needed, he doesn't want to see the children either. Moreover, he even stopped communicating with them by phone. Although they are small, they perfectly understand that something has happened. I didn’t turn the boys against my father. I told them that dad was simply forced to leave for a long time to work. Has gone so far that there is no connection, no internet to contact us. I decided to give myself a head start. What if he comes back? After a while, the kids calmed down and stopped asking questions. And we all began to secretly wait for the return of the pope home. And now, after a year, I accidentally ran into him at the opposite end of town. He was lovely. And happy. His eyes are radiant and tender. Gentle to the one who separated us. She just took and trampled the whole family. She ripped out the soul alive and threw it away. I gathered all my will into a fist and went to meet them. Smiling, she greeted the first. I asked how they were doing. And so, by the way, she told the ex that the boys ordered as a gift for the New Year. I offered to participate in the purchase. The answer was expected, but still hurt me. The former spouse said that now he has no extra money, as they are expecting their first child and preparing for childbirth. I wished my wife and future child health and said goodbye with my head held high. The further three hundred meters was difficult. The ground slipped from under my feet. I sat down on a bench and drank some water. It became easier, but not in my soul. It felt like I was torn to pieces again and thrown in different directions. I couldn't get myself together. I expected everything that was possible, but there is no such renunciation of my own children! And I lived with this person for twelve years. Happy 12 years old. I have only one question: “how could a person change so polarly in such a short time? Has he always been like this? " I will probably never know the answer to this question. I don’t want to. I realized that in vain I cherished the hope of his return and lied to the children. Now you need to carefully tell them everything and move on. Just how?

I did not expect such an act from myself

 

I almost cheated on my husband, but please do not judge immediately. I just can't tell anyone else. Together with her husband for 10 years, there is a son (3 years). The last 2 years, the relationship has deteriorated. As if some kind of crisis. She offered to go to a psychologist, she doesn't want to. Sometimes at the time of major quarrels I think about divorce, but I love it. He's just very emotional, he can scream, and I'm calm. Before my husband, I had one boyfriend. He was the first in every sense. I was 18 then and we met for six months. Then he left me, I suffered bitterly and met my husband. We started dating and as it turned out later, he knows Andrei (my ex-boyfriend). More precisely, they know each other and communicate well. Then Andrei left for another city and no one spoke to him. After a while, we moved 2 thousand kilometers, got married, lived in a rented apartment and finally bought our house. Why am I telling all this? And the fact that the neighbors turned out to be Andrey's family. Honestly, I haven't remembered him these years. Occasionally it happened, and then I saw it, and took my memory back to where I was 18 years old. He has a family and also a small child. Then I could not even think how this neighborhood would end. So we began to communicate a little, my husband knew everything about me and Andrey, but he was not jealous of the past. Katya, Andrey's wife, I don't know if she knew who I was. We all talked like dear old acquaintances. I was confident in myself, or rather, I could not even think of what I was capable of. It was for the New Year holidays. We had a very hard fight with my husband, the child is with my grandmother, the husband went to his mother-in-law alone, as we had a fight. I sat at home watching TV and drank wine. Suddenly Katya calls me and says to urgently come to their aid (I am a doctor). I ran, it turned out, her mother fell down and couldn't get up on the street, and the ambulance took a long time to go, and although I am an ENT, I am still a doctor. I helped them, and then an ambulance came and took her mother with a suspicion of a fracture and Katya went with her. Andrey thanked me for a long time, and I went home. At home I drank more wine and wrote to Andrey myself on the social network. I understand that it was necessary to go to bed, and not write to other people's husbands! I wrote that I was drinking wine. He wrote that I should go to him, that there is also wine. And I went. We talked for a long time, everyone remembered, the past flooded. And I came to myself only when he undressed me. I really wanted to, but I understood that this was a step into the abyss. I quickly got dressed and went home. Andrei did not try to stop me, maybe he also realized that this was a mistake, or maybe he has a million mistresses, I don't know. I know one thing that I am very ashamed of. I still feel like a traitor. But I can't tell my husband either, he won't forgive. And so the relationship is not in the best shape. For 6 days I have been walking like a mummy. I'm sick of myself, I hate myself. What if Andrey will tell her husband everything? Talk to Andrey about this or not. What to do?

What should I have done?

 

Our refrigerator has recently deteriorated. There was just a moment when there was no money, my husband's salary was delayed, and I was on maternity leave and did not earn anything. I had to buy a refrigerator on credit. I bought it myself through an online store. Due to health problems, I could not go to choose a refrigerator in a regular store. And so, nice thing - I ordered it, paid for it, and they brought it to you. Since I was applying for a loan, it was necessary to conclude an agreement with the bank. I was offered a service - departure of a bank employee with an agreement to my home. I agreed. A young man came and handed me all the necessary papers. I began to read the contract and all kinds of insurance. The man began to rush me, they say, he had no time to wait for several more clients. And I was afraid to sign important papers without looking. And I said that until I read everything, I would not sign anything. Let him wait, this is his job. The man suddenly got nervous, began to shout at me that he would miss his lunch break because of me, because he would then immediately need to go to the next client. I replied again that he had such a job, and, therefore, let him wait. In fact, I was already really afraid that the bank was trying to cheat me somehow. Why don't they want me to read the contract? So you can write off your apartment to a bank employee without looking. The man exclaimed angrily: "You don't want me to go out on the stairs and start having dinner there?" I offered to dine with me, since we were still sitting in my kitchen. I expected it to be just words. But the man took the lunch boxes from his bag and began to eat. I went out into the corridor, several curses were thrown after me. Something, like, "you will get sick as I do, you will find out." It was very unpleasant for me, but I only answered that he did not know what I was sick with. And I really am not the most joyful sick. With difficulty pulling myself together, I studied the contract. Everything was fine, I signed it. I gave it to the man who had become more cheerful after dinner. And we said goodbye. This conversation left an unpleasant aftertaste behind. I don't really believe in mysticism, but won't I feel even worse now after the curses of this bank employee? I already have enough problems. And I do not rush at people in the performance of my official duties just because I am sick, and they want to clarify something for themselves on the case. And it often happened that I did not manage to have dinner on time, but I did not curse anyone for it. In general, I hate this manner of shouting curses after the offender when it comes to some trifle, for example, someone hasn’t let someone somewhere in the transport. Perhaps this petty situation is not a reason to write here. But I am tormented by the question, did I do the right thing?

Husband frivolously spent our savings

 

Not so long ago, my husband bought a car, an elite business class SUV. I was against the purchase, because I considered it inexpedient to spend a year and a half of savings on a car. At that time, the family had a car that perfectly coped with its tasks, never required repairs in the entire history of its operation, and for another 5 years it would have been just as unpretentious. I told my husband about my doubts, but he didn't listen, he really wanted a "cool car". The car was bought, but my husband was very frivolous about both the insurance and the security system. Therefore, the car drove off in an unknown direction. I really insisted on insurance and security. And now I believe that he has let go of our family's life for a year and a half, and he is offended that I do not support him. And I have the idea that I live with a not very smart person (to put it mildly), and even gave birth to children for him.