I'm afraid to let my daughter go to study in the city

 

My daughter is finishing school next year. It's time to decide where to go, and this is insanely difficult. We live in a small provincial town. There was a case recently. We went for a walk to the center, at first I decided to park my car in one place, I told my daughter about it, but there all the places were taken, and I parked in another. We went for a walk, on the way back we met our daughter's friend. She stayed to talk, and I slowly went to the car. I got to the car, I was waiting, I was waiting, I returned back to the place where I left my daughter, but she is not there. I didn't know what to think. It was panic. Downtown, full of people, where could she go? She did not take her phone with her. I wasted a lot of nerves, decided to go home, find her friend's number on her phone and call her to find out where my daughter went. I come home, my daughter is all in tears, waiting for me at the door. It turned out she forgot where we parked. She came to where I was originally going to park, saw that there was no car, and decided that I left without her. A person in school has one year left to study! How can I send her to a big city! How can she be independent there, if even in our small town such a case happened to her. And now I'm at a loss, I cannot choose where to send her to study after school.

Jealous of her husband to his best friend

 

When I was in my last year at the university, I met two girls. They made friends, were friends with the company - me, my own sister and these two girls. Then I met my future husband. I introduced him to her friends, and it seemed to me that some kind of spark flashed between him and one of these girls. It all started with the fact that on my birthday, she climbed to protect my husband (then still a boy) from the attacks of my sister's boyfriend. I myself could have done it, but I did not dare so as not to spoil the relationship with my sister. We are very friendly, and for her her boyfriend is the light in the window. My boyfriend loved her custody. He is generally a driven person by nature. And I think that I also attracted him precisely because I was a leader with him, led him along. Then we met with him and with my friends several times. And my boyfriend always showed sympathy for this girl. As if they had been friends for a long time. Then we got married. And then the first alarm bell sounded. She came to our wedding in a dazzling red dress, with a beautiful haircut. Despite the fact that I was a very beautiful bride, I felt like a gray mouse compared to her. The fact is that she is thin, and I am quite fat. And she is also a burning brunette, and my husband always liked these before meeting me. And I'm red. I was worried that I looked worse than her. We invited a photographer to the wedding. Everyone was photographed with us, newlyweds. We stood nearby. And when she came up, my newly baked husband happily invited her to stand between us to "shade" us. We both wore white. She was embarrassed, suffered some kind of delirium, and eventually stood next to me. And I realized that she was a threat to me. But, despite this, we continued to communicate. Then I got pregnant. When my husband and I invited friends to the dacha, she came. I prepared ahead of time for this visit and persuaded my husband to introduce her to his brother. But they didn't like each other. But then at the table, when my husband and I were arguing about who we would have, she interjected into our conversation. I wanted a girl, and my husband wanted a boy. We were told at the ultrasound that there would be a girl. I was in seventh heaven with happiness, and my husband grumbled that he did not want a girl. I was offended. And then she says that she would like a boy someday. And my husband replies to her: "So maybe I should divorce my wife and marry you?" He was already drunk, but still. She was embarrassed, blushed, turned away from us and began demonstratively talking to other guests. I had to adjust my husband's brains, that he embarrassed her, that this is not allowed. And then I decided that she would not be in my life. My husband did not like the second friend, they did not find a common language. And I decided that I would be friends with her, and that I would dare. When my daughter was born, I called my godmother to my second friend, but she did not call at all. She then came separately to congratulate me on the birth of a child, brought a gift. I was so happy at the time that I even allowed my husband to take her to the bus in the dark. I live in another locality, and she did not know the way. And then I stopped seeing her. The small child took up a lot of time, and I also continued to work remotely from home. She also worked and built her personal life. She had big health problems. From time to time we called each other. The second friend turned out to be a bad godmother, she rarely came. My husband constantly asked how that friend was doing, why she didn’t come to us, why we didn’t invite her to a barbecue, to a holiday. I came up with various reasons, they say, she can't, she doesn't want to. Then she invited my husband and me to her wedding. She was very beautiful at the wedding. I felt like a gray mouse again. I recovered greatly after giving birth and could not lose weight. My husband got drunk, and when he had to leave, he could not drive. She called us a taxi and a second driver to take our car too. While waiting for a taxi, my husband was trying to get behind the wheel and go, did not obey me. He looked at her with greedy eyes. She apparently noticed this and at a critical moment got into our car in the driver's seat, saying that she would not let my husband drive. He did not dare to argue with her and gave up.

Then she tried to be friends with families. Or, maybe, she also wanted to see my husband. She offered to celebrate the New Year together. I said that my husband will work, I will be alone, if you want, come. She didn't come. Either it seemed boring to her to go to another point with her husband and my child, or the purpose of the trip was my husband. Then she packed in to visit us alone. At first I agreed on a visit, and then I thought that it was not for nothing that she wanted to come. She wants to see my husband. And I told my husband that her plans had changed, no one would come. And she sent him with our daughter to clean up the cemetery in another city for the whole day. When she found out that I was waiting for her alone, and my husband and daughter left for the cemetery, she gave me a tantrum over the phone. She screamed that she didn’t know why I didn’t love her, that I didn’t want her to come to us on purpose, that I had sent my daughter on purpose. At that time, she was already aware that I had not invited her to the christening, and that my second friend was the godmother. She remembered that too. I denied everything, about the christening it was justified that there were only the closest ones, some relatives. I cannot understand what is in her soul. Or she is in love with my husband and wants to take him away. Or she just wanted to be friends, guessed about my jealousy and was offended for it. I don’t know how to deal with her. She calls me and writes for every holiday. I no longer write or call her. I hope that over time she will fall behind. If not, what should I do? I am very afraid that my husband has succeeded in his dad. He left their mother when the children were 13 and 17 years old. He left for an old friend, got married and has been living with her for many years.

Husband is angry that he spent his salary on my grandmother's funeral

 

My grandmother died on December 23. She was a very good woman. Death was quick, but not easy. For me and my mother, this event was a great grief, we are both in shock. My grandmother had put her pension aside for funerals for many years. The pension was tiny. My mother and I often borrowed this money from her for food and other needs before paycheck, and then gave it away. But sometimes, in especially difficult times, they might not give it back. Granny, although she seemed to understand everything, but, of course, was offended by us. When I got married, my husband wanted an expensive wedding. I didn't like this idea, I wanted everything to be modest. But he certainly wanted to show off to all his relatives. He expected that his closest relatives would pour money for the wedding. But that did not happen. They were organizing the wedding, and he was billed. And he uncomplainingly paid what he could. But there was not enough money. And then my grandmother gave us a large sum. Naturally, these were her funeral. We never returned this money. For almost 5 years of marriage, we had expenses for repairs, for rest, for various purchases, but not for debt. Of course, it’s my fault that I didn’t insist on returning this money. But at first I thought that my grandmother gave them to me, and only recently I found out that she was waiting for us to return them, and was offended that we ourselves did not understand this. Moreover, we even repeatedly borrowed from my grandmother's funeral, which she managed to accumulate over the years of our marriage. This money has already been returned. And so, grandmother died. It was just the situation that we owed her money. It was mainly my mother who organized the funeral. We returned her another debt, but grandmother's savings were still not enough for the funeral. My mother had to report part of her pension, and my husband - part of his salary. I'm on maternity leave now, and I don't have my own money. In addition to the funeral, there were expenses for commemoration, for trips to the cemetery by taxi, for trips to churches to order various services for the repose of my grandmother. Of course, there were also everyday expenses for living, for a child. It took my mom's entire pension and my husband's entire salary. Mom only managed to save the amount of money for me for the pills that I take every day. When my husband found out about this money for pills, he got the impression that my mother has some savings that she does not talk about. I decided that his entire salary was spent on the funeral, and my mother probably did not spend her pension all, since she even set aside money for me for pills. Today my husband and I had a quarrel, during which he shared his suspicions about my mom's secret savings. I frankly regretted the salary that went to the funeral. I listened to him in horror. Some 12 days have passed since the death of a person close to me, and my husband does not care that I have grief! He only remembers about his money! I tried to dissuade him that my mother had no savings, that everything was fair. But he bends his line. I was struck by his words about spending on funerals. The funeral was the cheapest possible. My grandmother treated my husband so well! If she knew that he would regret her money for the funeral, I think she would be very upset. I reminded my husband of the wedding debt that we took from my grandmother's funeral money, and which was never returned. She said that if that debt were repaid, then my grandmother would now have enough money for the funeral, and she would not have to spend her husband's salary. Let him consider these expenses a return of the debt for the wedding! I want to cry from such callousness.

My husband made repairs to my girlfriend, but she did not even thank him

 

A friend started a renovation a few months ago. Money end-to-end, but, nevertheless, hired a designer and did everything according to the design project. My husband has his own team, he promised that he would help her. She lives alone. No husband or boyfriend. I was all for it. As a result, she paid for everything - furniture, building materials and so on. She also paid for the work of builders, the husband had nothing with this money. It turned out that she worked until late at night and for 3 months never came to see how the repairs were progressing. Every day her husband went to her apartment, supervised the workers, consulted with the painters on how best to paint the walls and other work. My friend and I have a good relationship. I never noticed her in pettiness. It turned out that she spent much more on repairs than she had planned. The problem is that in the end she simply said thank you to her husband. 3 months have passed since the end of the repair. I thought she would at least congratulate him on the New Year and express some gratitude. The husband is perplexed. He says that such work costs no less than 200 thousand. I think that she will offer at least a quarter, or make a substantial gift. By the way, we still haven't seen an invitation to a housewarming party. There were huge holidays though. I don't know how to give her a hint. In general, it seems to me that she does not even know that she needs to somehow thank her. Although she, of course, also helped us. For example, she added a child to the kindergarten, since a position in government agencies allows. But one call is incommensurable with three months of daily monitoring of repairs in an apartment! I understand that my husband decided to help himself, but he did not think that all the work, from choosing sockets to meeting with painters and workers, would be on him, and that she would never come there. After the repair was completed, she still called her husband and asked what was here and what was there, she said ok and that was all. She did not celebrate her birthday. New year went to my parents. I have not personally seen her for six months. Although we used to communicate every day. Maybe she is uncomfortable that it happened, or maybe she doesn't even think that she is wrong in something. I believe that any work should be paid, even if it is out of friendship. Or she simply thanked her with a good gift. Tell me how to proceed. I want to write her a message, where I will put everything on the shelves, what and how. But I'm afraid that we will stop communicating because of the money. By the way, the situation with money is not critical for her. Recently I wrote that I wanted to buy a new fur coat and regretted the money. I don’t want to think that she was just using her husband. It seems that she simply does not understand that she should be thanked. I don't know if she should even talk about it. It's one thing to help out on friendship to come and check it a couple of times, it's another thing to spend time on this every day. I'm sorry for my husband. She consulted on this issue with several acquaintances, everyone says that she is wrong. But I don't want to ruin the relationship. At the same time, I understand what kind of husband is more offensive, he is not a volunteer. One friend suggested that she was uncomfortable, but she deliberately delayed the moment further, that she was further uncomfortable. Although then why should I talk about a fur coat. Maybe call, write or draw conclusions and leave everything as it is?

Mother disinherited me in favor of my sister

 

He grew up in the family of an alcoholic father, a hysterical mother and a selfish younger sister. Since the beginning of the 90s, my father came late, often at night, drunk. Instead of putting him to bed, his mother simply went out to him and began to shout at him inadequately, insulting him. One could not tolerate such a life further and divorce (we have a large three-room apartment, it could be exchanged painlessly during a divorce). I woke up screaming, sometimes it turned into fights with my father (if you didn't touch him, he would never say a word, he would just drink tea, smoke and fall asleep, but the mother could not let him go to sleep without a loud conflict). And so it was for about 15 years. Most days of the year - late in the evening or at night, when everyone is asleep, he comes in drunk, his mother screams hysterically at him. I wake up, then it was harder and harder to fall asleep. Because of this, I suffer from insomnia and for 25 years now I have not slept at night. The younger sister, unlike me, slept soundly, did not interfere in anything. My father was irritable, from childhood he suppressed, humiliated, insulted, often beat me, including for nothing. He loved his father all the same in childhood and for half his life forgave him no matter what. Renounced him only 15 years ago, when he rushed to me to fight, after I once again stood up for my mother. My relationship with my mother was always good, I loved her very much. But from childhood she loved to humiliate me, constantly saying: “You don’t think with your head at all, you don’t think at all, are you stupid with us, or what?”. Although in reality she is herself an uneducated and uncivilized woman, very dependent on other people's opinions. “What will people say” is her motto for life. And, by the way, I have two university degrees, including a red diploma. In 2006, the father died and the mother was replaced. She does not know how to live normally, conflicts are her element, and her alcoholic husband no longer exists. Therefore, she began to spread rot on me for any reason. Just a little something, immediately shout, insult. I loved her anyway, in general, the relationship was good. My sister grew up super selfish. For example, when they bring her from kindergarten (her father either worked in shifts or drank, her mother came home late from work, so I often took her out of the kindergarten). She was 6-7 years old, I was 12-13. I bring her home, there is little food, for example, some pasta and 2 eggs. She had an afternoon snack in the kindergarten, I didn't eat for half a day after school. I warm the pasta, fry these eggs, take out 2 plates to divide in half, and she throws a tantrum, her catchphrase: "If you divide it in half, then you won't eat too, and I'll just tease my appetite, you'd better put it all on me alone." And if at that very moment my mother came from work or a sober father, they really took food from me and dumped everything to her, and they fed me later, when my mother cooked something. My sister always has the TV remote control. If I once a month demand to switch to a good movie that I want to watch, and select the remote control for this, she would throw a tantrum, run after her mother, who gave the remote control back to her. My mother’s motto was not pedagogical: “You are the elder, so you must give in”. The father died in 2006, and in 2007 the sister brought home the groom, the apartment gigolo, in 2008 she married him. Since that time, they have occupied the largest room, in fact, they have taken over half of the apartment, which makes it impossible for me to live with my family in this apartment. Moreover, the sister is mega-selfish. While I was living alone, she said, they say, do not boil the kettle late, it prevents me from falling asleep, do not burn incense, I do not like the smell. I had nowhere to live with my fiancée, but it is impossible to live in this apartment in a smaller room and with my sister's family (she already had a daughter). Therefore, since 2013 he rented an apartment. By the way, in my parents' apartment I owned 1/3 of the share, and if I weren't there, the state would have given my mother only a two-room apartment in due time. Actually, she gave birth to her mother and sister for the sake of a three-room apartment. Both from a legal and an everyday point of view, my sister and her husband, who love our apartment so much, had to give me the cost of my share. After all, theoretically, I could sell it even to realtors, even to gypsies, who would arrange a cheerful life for them or forced to sell their shares for a penny (it is two-story, even though the house was built in 1988, then it was the only one in the city, experimental, and for ordinary of people). But the sister and her husband suddenly take out a “free mortgage” and get a one-room apartment in a new house, free. They immediately began to rent it, and with this money they pay off the mortgage.

In general, they will get this apartment practically for nothing. I got married, I had a child, all this in a rented apartment. When the bride and I got together to live together, he suggested to his sister, they say, you live here in the largest room, you also took an apartment for yourself, I have nowhere to live, let me live in your mortgage, I will pay you a small amount for this (in proportion to my share in the apartment, captured by her sister and her husband). She refused: "we will rent it as expensive as possible and pay off the mortgage with these payments." Mother is completely against me, she says: "We will not allocate anything to you, then we will select it." I was making good money then, saving up, but the 2015 crisis happened and the business collapsed. I earn my living, but the rent payments have become onerous. The cost of my share was allocated to me after 7 years, but not an egoist sister with her gigolo husband, it was my parents who chipped in and gave my sister such a gift. My share was accordingly copied to the sister's husband. For 7 years (not Moscow) I paid 1 million rubles for rented apartments. To buy my "average" apartment, not small and not large, not in a new house, but not in Khrushchev, I just did not have enough of this million. So for the first time in my life I took a forced loan, got into a mortgage, overpayment for interest another million, the mortgage like a snowball added new debts and loans. In fact, my million spent on rented apartments and getting into a mortgage is payment for the comfort of my sister and her family. This is her selfish worldview, as in childhood, they say, there is no need to divide food in half, I'd rather eat everything alone, only now it's a housing issue. The sister and her husband have their whole lives at someone else's expense (they can't even earn money for a car, their parents just give them money). I worked 12 hours a day to support my family normally and pay for rented apartments. I earned and saved up for a very good car. There was still not enough money for an apartment. In order not to get into a mortgage, I expected that as soon as the share was allocated, I would sell the car, buy it cheaper and buy an apartment without a mortgage. But the 2015 crisis turned everything upside down. And by the way, my mother has a dacha where I helped my parents from childhood, and for 15 years I took my mother to her almost every day. Yes, I just burned so much gas that you could buy the same dacha. And suddenly I find out that the rest of my mother's share in the apartment (1/3 of my sister, 1/3 of mine, which, in fact, was given to my sister by my parents, our mother and her husband's mother bought it from me after 7 years of living in rented apartments and 1 / 3 share of the mother, which in the future should go to my sister and me in half), presented by the mother to the sister! And the dacha has already been copied to my sister! Although she only appears there once a year for a birthday meal, she never helped her parents there. Now my sister has everything, but I have 7 years of losses in rented apartments and only because of this I got into a mortgage. And during her lifetime, her mother gave her all her inheritance. This means that when my mortgage ends, I will have to take a new one to help the child. While the sister and her daughter are provided with apartments for life. At the same time, the mother loves her granddaughter (sister's daughter) so that she is ready to faint. I constantly took her to kindergarten, now to school, circles. He gives all of himself to her (and helps her sister, tidies up, strokes, cooks). And my grandson, my child, may not see for months. During the summer she goes to the dacha every day (except for the days when she has to sit with her granddaughter), she never came to her grandson. Somehow I refused to sit with him only because of his cold, with the words: "What if I will infect Mashenka (granddaughter) from him through myself." And after 2 weeks she called me and said: “my sister has bilateral pneumonia, take her, bring her to the hospital”. That is, proceeding from this logic, if a sister has an infection, then the grandson is indifferent, and you can infect! When they moved from one apartment to another rented apartment, and the sister's husband helped to carry things, the mother called at 11 pm and shouted that he had to get up early for work, he would not get enough sleep. And she once told me, when, during the period of self-isolation, the child interfered with work (she never sat with him), they say, and you sleep for 5 hours to work more. I suspect she subconsciously hates me. She was unlucky with her father (my grandfather, he loved to drink and brawl), with her alcoholic husband, and apparently decided to take revenge for them. I am a man born of a hated husband, but my daughter is beloved by default, and my son-in-law is beloved, his daughter chose him, and the granddaughter is beloved, she was born from her own daughter, and not from the wife of her son.

As a child, my mother said: "You and your sister should always help each other, when my father and I are gone, you will be the dearest people to each other." As a result, my sister and her husband seized the apartment, my mother completely deprived of her inheritance during her lifetime. My sister and her husband, earning little, live their whole lives at someone else's expense, they are provided with apartments forever, and my family and I spent the last 7 years of my youth in rented apartments. Now I will pay a mortgage until old age and survive (the crisis and the coronavirus have greatly lowered income). And all this is only because of the selfishness of the mother, sister and her husband. Now I practically don't communicate with them, sometimes I call my mother, but it's hard to talk, and I think I no longer have my sisters. If we had allocated a share in a timely manner, now I would live with my family in the same apartment without mortgages and debts. Now this resentment is always with me, it is impossible to let it go. If I was immediately allocated a share, and at the same time deprived of my inheritance, I would accept it. I am a man, unlike my sister and her husband, more or less earn money and can only live at my own expense. But why, because of them, I spent a million on rent, having my share in a large apartment, which was seized by relatives! If someone has the same situation, but at the initial stage - do not repeat my mistakes, immediately offer to the egoist sisters or brothers, either to buy out your share, or to sell yours to realtors or gypsies. By the way, I don't smoke, I don't drink (never at all, even champagne for New Year). I have two higher educations, never shook my mother's nerves. So why did she destroy me and my grandson financially? But she doesn't understand this.

A friend accused me of being greedy

 

I knew my best friend from the very kindergarten. After that there was a school, one institute. We've always been together. She is very sociable, she has many friends and acquaintances. I was jealous of her, it was a shame when you invite her to her birthday, but someone invited her earlier, and she goes to him. I am rather reserved, shy, modest. In companies I felt like a black sheep, and only with her was it easy and fun for me. We didn't spend much time together, but when we saw her, she was literally my outlet. I was distracted from bad thoughts and, no matter what happened, she could always cheer me up. She is not one of those people who can give advice and support, so I rarely complained to her, just enjoyed communication on abstract topics or shared events from my life. I accepted her for who she is, and did not ask for more. Although at times, I really lacked support, for example, when my grandmother died, or my long-term relationship broke down. She just patted me sympathetically on the shoulder, and I tried to pretend that everything was not so bad. I had other acquaintances, but no one was as close as she. When we both got married and began to live in different parts of the city, we saw each other and called up even less often. Work, home, routine. But for all the holidays we got together: me, my husband, she, her husband and another friend of hers with her husband. Over the years, I began to notice that under the influence of her husband, she changes a lot. In particular, her attitude towards money is changing. She became tight-fisted, began to count every penny. She recalled that I owed her a ruble for the last time in the store, when I had no change, and so on. I didn't say anything, I just gave it away. My husband and I lived much more modestly. We did not have our own housing, cars, like theirs, but I was silent. Recently, at a common holiday, I lost my nerves. We all went to the store together and bought groceries. We saved all the checks and decided to split them in half. In the store, a friend chose expensive alcohol. I told her right there that my husband and I do not drink, and we will not pay for it, to which she grimaced and said nothing. At their house, I transferred money to the card, with the exception of this alcohol, and a scandal immediately broke out, supposedly we should pay, because we celebrate in their house, fry meat on their grill and steam in their bath. That means they have to pay for everything. And this despite the fact that her husband helped to heat the bathhouse, and her friend's husband came to everything ready, behaved like a master. He did not help anyone, but without asking anyone he went to the bathhouse first, behaved cheekily, for some reason it was normal. We began to resent, word for word. As a result, I got angry, and my husband and I decided to leave. In the wake of us flew in from the husband of my friend: "you will leave now, and then ask us for money at the table." We had never done this before, and such a statement was unpleasant to me. We left. Two years have passed since then. We still don't communicate. A friend doesn’t even try to get in touch, and I don’t understand what I was to blame or not right? She doesn't need me. She's fine without me. I'm alone. And I no longer want to be friends with anyone and get closer. Because, as life has shown, friendship is almost always a one-sided game. My best friend is my husband. He replaces everyone for me. But still, I cannot share many things with him. Therefore, I miss my girlfriend, although I understand that she exchanged me for money.

I look older than my age and it upsets me

 

I was never afraid of death, but I was always afraid of old age. And now I look in the mirror and realize that I am old. I can't calmly look at my photos, I get upset. I have flews, wrinkles under the eyes, one eyelid overhangs, there are age spots. I try to fight this, I spend most of my salary on expensive cosmetics. I try to eat lots of greens and fish, but nothing helps. I paint, but I still look five years older. It's in my genes to look older. I have an older sister, she also looks much older, but she does not worry about this, and I suffer. I tried not to pay attention to how I look (I still can't see myself from the outside), but as soon as I see my reflection in the mirror, depression rolls in with even greater force. I dream of plastic, but the prices for it at my salary are simply cosmic.